"Positive thinking is a reaction to negative thinking, as is peace to violence, and greatness to mediocrity. I choose to hate mediocrity (although grateful to it as something to react against), since I'm inspired by great people. I suppose I could choose to be non reactive, but then nothing would happen." ~SEC

I had just turned 19 and through my twenties, I had a series of dreams. I called them my "institution dreams". They took place in a building that was half school, half hospital. I would be inside trying to escape. The people inside would be conducting disturbing experiments at times. In other dreams they would be in the guise of progressive liberals who spoke in shrill annoying voices about trite things. They would be the reason for my need to escape. There would be others helping to guide me out by saying or embodying attributes that encouraged me. Once out, I would find there was a nicer, better kept institution to escape to, like an Ivy League representative of where I'd just been. But I knew that once inside it would be the same story, and I'd have to escape from there as well. Instead, I would run into the nearby forest which was horrifying, but I would rather take chances on my own terms. In other dreams, I would escape only to realize that what was on the inside was also going on outside, and I would simply decide not to run away or be afraid. Not caring one way or the other seemed to disempower the evil that was going on. In one of the dreams, a Native American woman who looked like a cross between an Aztec Princess and a warrior, wearing a stylish little skirt with the tips of her hair painted in bright colors followed me throughout the building as I tried to escape. I was afraid of her- she was simply too beautiful. She finally stopped me and asked, "Why are you running away from me?" Then, holding out her very strong and well sculpted arms said, "Look at my arms, they have your strength." At that moment, all of my fear would leave me and I would know that what I was afraid of couldn't hurt me. I was afraid of the ineptitude of the people around me. I was afraid of needing to make sense in their world and knowing that I didn't. I was afraid of not having any power. I came to understand that I didn't need them to understand me or be like me for me to be who I am. I stopped having the dreams.

I spent the next phase of my life, what is now my thirties, learning about the strength of my arms, of my spirit. It is in my words. It is in my nature to resist conventionality. I express this in my style, my lifestyle, and in my writing. I have created a forum for others to do the same. I'm not interested in upholding anyone's values or dogmas. I have no cause to fight. I'm a loner by day and a party girl by night. I like literature, philosophy and fashion. My favorite people are geniuses, nerds, weirdoes, beauties, and the downright ugly. I detest the ordinary. I have contempt for those who have given themselves up for what I consider a misguided notion of a "higher good". I celebrate those who have the courage and audacity to be who they are ALL the way. Being oneself requires artestry and courage, and ultimately is the highest thing anyone give, a self of honesty.

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